Healthy personal boundaries can transform your happiness - here's 7 tips to get you started!
What are Personal Boundaries?
Personal Boundaries are the limits and rules we set ourselves that allow us to enjoy healthy relationships and attract positive people into our lives that enrich and support us. Having poor boundaries leads to resentment, anger and ultimately burnout.
How do you know if you have poor personal boundaries?
Some common symptoms include:
- Feeling pulled in all directions trying to please everyone at the same time
- Being indecisive and unable to express your own point of view
- Constantly worrying about what others think of you
- Seeking external approval of things such as, your personal appearance, or if you are liked
- Spending time with people who drain you
7 tips to get you started
Creating boundaries that are healthy for you means knowing what is important to you - in other words, what your values are. Identifying your values is an important step and is best completed with the support of a Life Coach, but you can take a first step by completing the Discover Your Values Workbook.
Once you have a clear picture of which values are most important to you, you can start to use this to create stronger boundaries for yourself.
1. Choose a boundary
Is it supported by one (or more) of your top values? If it isn't, review whether the boundary is the right one for you. Are you setting a boundary that someone else thinks you should have? If it isn't inline with your own values, it us unlikely that you will enforce it.
2. Identify your needs and wants
What is it you need or want by having the boundary in place? Is it more time for you, less responsibility, or an adventure with others? Be clear why this is important to you and what steps you need to take to ensure that your boundary is met. Don't allow others to tell you that your personal boundaries are unacceptable. You know what you need better than anyone else.
3. Deal with feelings of guilt
Putting ourselves first can sometimes lead to feeling of guilt. But when we are fulfilled and happy, everyone around us benefits. So, remind yourself of the benefits of having your boundary in place and don't over explain or justify your boundary to others.
4. Communicate calmly
When others cross your personal boundaries, communicate this to them in a calm way! Help them to understand what it is you value about the boundary and why it is important to you. By simply explaining what is important to you, you will be reinforcing your sense of self and purpose.
5. Saying 'no'
Personal boundaries also provide a benchmark for us to know when we should say 'no' to a request. Remember that you don't have to do everything anyone asks of you. You may find the following statements helpful if you struggle with saying 'no' to others.
I feel _________________________ when _________________________________ because _______________________________
What I need/want is ____________________________________________________________
6. Managing perfectionism
Setting boundaries based on your own needs and desires is a great way to reduce perfectionism. Keep your focus on your key values and the boundaries that are important to you. This will help to displace your reliance on false perceptions you believe others have of you. Over time, this will increase your levels of self-esteem, value and confidence.
7. Being You!
Personal boundaries can also help to strengthen your identity because they make you evaluate what you do and don't want in your life. When you are faced with important decisions, use your values and boundaries, as a guide to the best decision for you. Working in this way will ensure that you stand up for yourself and what is right for you.
Summary
Creating personal boundaries is the best way to transform your happiness and feel fulfilled. They provide you with the self-love, self-respect and nurturing you rightly deserve. This means, you have the time, energy and focus to give back to others and those that you love.
If you have any questions or would like to see how life coaching can help you to discover your values and create healthy personal boundaries, you can contact me using ali@aliarmishaw.co.uk or use the FREE taster button on the website to book a call.
