Life Coaching for Women

A common misconception for many women is that they must be good at everything if they are to be loved, valued, and respected by others.

From partner, wife and mother to friend, daughter, and sibling – trying to ‘be the best’ in all these areas is at best unrealistic and at worst soul destroying. Add in the expectations of a career and home responsibilities and it is little wonder that the women I work with are feeling in adequate, unfulfilled, and exhausted. (By the way, I have been there too and got the T Shirt!). 

Here I share 2 simple steps to help you ensure your personal boundaries are in place allowing you to feel loved, valued, and respected.

Growing Up

Our everyday thoughts and actions are governed by the values and beliefs we created and embraced during our formative years. We will have unwittingly taken on some of the values and beliefs of our parents, teachers, mentors, friends, and relations. Adopting or rejecting these values and beliefs will have been largely an unconscious exercise we did not even realise we were taking part in. 

Saying ‘No’ and Feeling Guilty

Absorbing others values and beliefs can sometimes lead to inner conflict without a real understanding of why. Often beliefs that were formed when we were young do not support the decisions we want to make as adults. Saying ‘no’ without feeling guilty, is a common issue for the women that I help. With no boundaries in place, they become spread too thinly, try to do everything, and often succeed in doing nothing well. Most of all, they believe that everyone has it sorted apart from them. 

Feeling Loved, Valued and Respected

To feel loved, valued and respected we need to re prioritise what is important to us (our values and beliefs), recognise our needs are as important as others, and take action to support our wellbeing. When we feel nurtured, rested and calm, we can find the energy to manage our boundaries and the demands that are being placed upon us.   

Step 1 – Your Inner Circle

As a first step, start by working out who is most important to you and why. Take a piece of paper and write a list of those people closest to you and place them in a circle in the middle of the page with your name written at the centre. This is your Inner Circle. These are the people you would happily do anything for and whom you want to be able to give freely of your time and energy. 

Step 2 – Your Kingdom

Around your Inner Circle, draw another circle and put the names in here of the people that you have relationships with, but who you would not want to offer so much of your time and energy too. They could be your work colleagues, clients, some family members, or more distant friends. This is your Kingdom. Outside of the Kingdom is the Royal Forest and this is where you would list those people who in an ideal world you would have nothing to do with!

Knowing Your Boundaries

These circles are your boundaries. Knowing which circle each person falls into allows you to determine how much of your time and energy you want to give to them. Categorising your relationships in this way will enable you to start making decisions about who you want to share your time and energy with and who you do not. This will enable you to make time for those most important to you and allow you some ‘down time’ so that you can replenish your energy. 

Letting Go!

Knowing that you do not have to ‘serve’ everyone in your Kingdom in exactly the same way releases you from the burdens of responsibility you feel.  It enables you to start enjoying your time with those you really love.  It demonstrates your value and respect for them and for you. 

Why not try the exercise?  Did it help to rebalance your priorities? Did it ease your burdens? 

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.