7 Tips to Tackle Perfectionism
Perfection doesn't actually exist, so essentially you are aiming for something that can never be found!
I know from personal experience that trying to be perfect all the time can be exhausting! It's tempting to see perfectionism as an asset when we become the 'go to' person for attention to detail and getting things done. We are often 'people pleasers' and we love to be needed! But obsessive perfectionism can be harmful to your self-esteem, wellbeing and your relationships.
What is Perfectionism?
“Perfectionism is the setting of, and striving to meet, very demanding standards that are self-imposed and relentlessly pursued despite this causing problems. It involves basing your self-worth almost exclusively on how well these high standards are pursued and achieved.”
Overcoming Perfectionism by Roz Shafran, Sarah Egan and Tracey Wade
How to tell if you are a Perfectionist
Here are ten perfectionist traits. Which one’s resonate the most with you?
1. You always aspire for perfection
2. You are often critical of yourself and others
3. You have a fear of not achieving
4. You set unrealistic goals
5. You are prone to procrastination
6. You give up on tasks you don’t think will turn out perfectly
7. You are highly critical of your own mistakes
8. Your world falls apart when you don’t achieve perfection
9. You don’t like asking for help
10. You struggle to take constructive criticism well
7 Tips to tackle Perfectionism
Making progress and developing ourselves helps us to create a fulfilling and rewarding life. But if we choose to set goals and take actions that are unrealistic and stress inducing, then we need to consider if perfectionism is getting in the way.
1. Review your Behaviour
List some of the things that you do, that must be ‘perfect’. Write down why you believe this activity must be perfect. What could you do to start to overcome these behaviours or beliefs? For example, if you strive to look perfect every time you leave the house, try one day to relax your ‘rules’ about how you look when you go out. Note the thoughts and emotions that come up. What could you do to change this?
Note: Only review one perfectionist behaviour at a time. Otherwise, you may feel overwhelmed.
2. Set Achievable Goals
Perfectionists often hold high standards with little chance of achieving them. So, think about setting more realistic goals. What are your most important life and career goals? Break each of them down into smaller monthly or yearly actions. Pick one or two key objectives and focus on those. When they have been achieved, focus on the next two and so on.
3. Reduce your Negative Self-Talk
Perfectionists are often prone to negative self-talk. They unconsciously berate themselves for not being good enough to reach the unrealistic goals they set in the first place! Be mindful of the conversations you hold with yourself. See if you can start to use more positive language and be kinder to yourself.
4. Relax your Personal Rules
Do you have a rigid set of rules that govern your day? For example, your rule might be that you must have things put back in their exact place every time. While it’s great to have high personal standards, they need to be flexible and helpful, rather than unrelenting and unrealistic. Are there some rules you could relax a little?
5. Be Impulsive!
The pursuit of perfection can make it extremely difficult to relax and be impulsive! Often, perfectionists prefer to maintain focus and stick rigidly to their plans. To try and change this, be open to new opportunities, visiting new places and meeting new people. Make use of relaxation techniques, spend time outdoors and recognise when you need to switch off. You’ll find it easier to keep your perfectionism under control if you’re fully rested, clear-headed, and happy.
6. Shift your Perspective
Perfectionists tend to make assumptions about others’ lives based on little or no evidence. This leads to feelings of not being good enough and/or striving to meet imaginary perfect standards. The best way to shift this negative perspective is to practice gratitude. Each morning or evening, take a notepad and write down 5 things that you are grateful for from that day. Practicing this on a regular basis will help to reprogram your thinking and help to reduce your need for perfectionism.
7. Keep a Diary
If you insist on perfection, even when it causes you excess stress, pay attention to the types of situations when this occurs. Start to write about the situations and see if you can find a common link. The awareness from this will help you identify what your perfectionism is really about. Use the actions outlined in Tip 1 to help you find a more positive approach to overcoming these behaviours or beliefs.
Summary
By following the 7 tips in this blog, you can start to reduce the negative experiences associated with perfectionism and increase your self-esteem, happiness, and fulfilment with your life.
If you have any questions or would like to experience how life coaching can help you take charge of your perfectionism, you can email me ali@aliarmishaw.co.uk or use the FREE taster session button on the website to book a call.
